Just one word

It amazes me sometimes how one word can open the flood gates of emotions. One simple thought can take you back to a place that you try so hard to forget. Just one word is all it takes.

There is a piece of my life that I would like to forget. A time where all I wanted was for someone to listen… listen to my thoughts and let me express my feelings. Someone to just put their arms around me and assure me that I would be okay. Someone who would make me smile even when I didn’t want to. Someone who told me, “I love you.” That would have meant everything.

So when I heard the word ‘childhood’ I froze. It was like I was taken back in time for just those few seconds. My eyes welled up. I saw myself back in time when I was all by myself … in my room … contemplating life [literally]. There was no one to talk to, no one who would understand. I never talked much. Probably because when I tried to talk, I got yelled at. So, silence was my choice. Then, when I was silent, I got yelled at for not talking. Sigh.

When I finally answered the question about my childhood, I felt – nothing. Nothing. Yes, I did have some good times, but they were few and far between. I loved the music, I loved the era, but I would never want to go back there. At the time, I didn’t know that I was depressed. I never knew it was such a thing. All I knew was I was sad all of the time and I felt so alone. However, time stops for no man and my life went on. And yes, my life was hard. But that is another post for another time.

Until next time … be blessed.

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