Triggered

I am sitting in my ‘peace spot’ and looking out of the window. It is such a gloomy, rainy, chilly day. I would love to go out, have lunch with my husband and enjoy the day together. But there is a problem. I don’t want to get dressed. 😑 So, I will sit in my comfy long johns all day. I may just go into my son’s room just to experience a different environment in the house. I’ll pull his curtains back, watch the rain and snuggle under his heated blanket.

I haven’t been in the best of moods the last few days so I probably wouldn’t be good company anyway. My son went back to college after spending the Christmas break here. I did shed quite a few tears when he left. Not nearly as much as I did his first year of college. I have conditioned my mind to know he will be alright so my spirit is at ease. My ‘sadness’ is not because of him.

My sadness this time is something I beat myself up about all of the time – my self-esteem. Same show, just a different day. It’s funny how a complete stranger can compliment you on the very thing (or one of a few things) you were self-conscious about. That happened earlier this week inside of a gas station. He wasn’t flirting or anything because he was joking around with the 2 ladies behind the counter. He complimented me then went right back to talking to those ladies. Things like that make me wonder if God is using other people to ‘snap’ me out of my feelings. Like “Hey Wendy … stop thinking about that!” I know He does. He does it all of the time. Sometimes I am just too fractured to really listen.

A hairline fracture… not broken. I’ve been broken before. Broken to where ever part of my body – inside and out – hurts. Broken to the point where my life didn’t seem worth living anymore. Oh, no… I’m not broken. It’s only fractured where my healed pieces start to bother me. A small hairline – you can barely see it but it still hurts. You know like when you know rain is coming because your bones start to ache? Then after the rain subsides, the pain does too? Hummm… I like that analogy. 😏 So yes, sometimes those things that I feel I healed from (self-esteem) will start to hurt from time to time. It’s not like I dwell on them constantly. There are people or certain things that can actually ‘trigger’ these feelings after they have been tucked away into the darkness. I certainly don’t ask for it to come out because I know how it makes me feel. I just need to get a grip on myself and not absorb some the shock of it all. I may have too change my attitude about some things. For a Pisces, that may not be a good thing to do, so I digress. I’ll figure it out somehow.

Well, I guess I’ll leave my ‘peace spot’ now because my sciatic nerve is screaming “get off of me!” ** For those of you who don’t know where my ‘peace spot’ is, go check out my blog from December 2018. 😉** I hope everyone that reads this have a great day… or evening (depending on where you are).

Until next time … be blessed.