Feel without physically touching

Emotions. Everyone experiences them. It’s a way of life. It is a simple way of expressing your present feelings about whatever is going on with your body physically or whatever is going on in your environment. Either way, some emotions can be hard to deal with and some can be joyfully overwhelming.

For instance, I should be “on top of the world” after winning such a beautiful award for my book. Instead, I am saddened because my headaches are keeping me from enjoying my special moment. Please don’t get me wrong, I am beyond blessed for winning such an honor. 🙏🏾 (I am still in shock to say the least! 😁) But I am also emotionally drained because of the ‘not knowing’ what is going on in my head. After the rise of the pandemic, I had to postpone an MRI I was supposed to take to get a second view of the lesion that was found in early March. Thankfully, after 2 months, I should get the test next week.

In other news, both of my sons made the ‘A’ honor roll! My son in college plans to major in Exercise Science and eventually become a Physical Therapist. His grades are not a major shock to me because he made ‘A’s in K-12 grade. My youngest son had a rough start when I came into his life. At 12 years old, the death of his Mother took a toll on him (and his Father). And rightfully so. I came along a few years afterwards and he was still grieving. However, as a Mother who raised two of my own by myself, he quickly learned that I never tolerate “mediocre” when it comes to education. That included him! So after Dad and I began to watch him like a hawk with his school assignments and threatening my famous “no good grades, no basketball” talk … he understood what he needed to do to become a successful student and athlete. With both of those together comes scholarships and other opportunities. I am so proud of my Junior in college and Junior in high school!

My daughter, such a beautiful, ‘life-of-the-party’, free-spirited, compassionate woman, is the one who surprises me every time when I am having one of those not so good days (that she knows about). I don’t often disclose the days when I just feel blah. But if I do, or she could tell by the tone in my voice, she would be the one to say EXACTLY what I would say to her. <WAIT A MINUTE … I am supposed to be saying that to you!> LOL I suppose she really was listening to me when I gave her advice. Sometimes though, I envy her jovial characteristics. Since birth, she’s always been a happy baby. Always. And it has continued into adulthood. I pray she never changes.

My husband should have been a comedian. 🙄 In fact, one of several attractions I had towards him was his sense of humor. Even when I don’t want to smile, here he comes! Haha 😂 I love him with every part of my being. What I love most is how much he supports me during my depressive/anxious days. Those are the days when my emotions are at peak level – and he is there, holding my hand, walking with me every step of the way. I appreciate my husband so much. God knew exactly who I needed in my life.

The waiting… the pandemic … the award … the joy … excitement … the depression … the love … the fear … the waiting – all a vicious cycle going around in my mind. I mean, surely I am not the only one who experiences several different emotions at one time? 🤔 Yet, I am thankful because that means that my mind is still working. I am still able to ‘feel’ without physically touching.

Until next time … be blessed.