Two weeks ago, you may or may not have seen, I was in a very bad place. Today, I believe it is much worse. I am getting all of the support I can possibly get – counseling, medication, love – but to no avail. Depression is weighing heavily with no ending in sight.
My motivation to do anything has diminished significantly. I find myself lying in bed when there are more than enough things to do in the house to occupy my mind and time. I cry throughout the day, trying my best to keep my wet eyes from being seen by my guys. Oh, except for one male in the house – Rico. 🐾 That’s because I have no personal space when it comes to him. I guess it’s a good thing though. I have a pet who loves me enough to stay by my side at all times.
I made the mistake of looking at Facebook memories today. In it, I saw a ‘like’ by a young woman who died last year from cancer. Such a beautiful young lady who displayed nothing but patience, perseverance, and positivity. 25 years old and gone. I know we are not here to stay on this earth regardless of age, but still. She was gone too soon. These are the kinds of things that make me want to take “memories” off – but I have many more good times than bad on there. For now, it will stay.
And now, COVID seems like it is inching more and more closer to home. So many family members and so many friends are battling this beast. Some have survived, so haven’t. Some, I just want to go hug and let them know that it’s going to be alright. But, I can’t.
I know there is no way to be 100% risk free from COVID, but it is still frightening. I want to just keep all of my family under one roof. Sadly, it’s impossible. Our daughter lives in another state. I’m getting use to her being on her own. Our son, he is going back to college in 2 weeks. Truthfully, I’m just not mentally ready to deal with this. However, I know it must be done.
I’m just a hot mess right now. I’m so thankful and grateful that I have a wonderful husband who supports me in every way. That makes a huge difference. I still try to keep my wet eyes from him, though. 😊
Until next time … be blessed.