Have you ever been told that you care too much? Is it even possible? I mean to truly ‘care’ beyond expectations? Well, according to my counselor – the answer is yes.
The way I am set up (by God), my compassion and empathy can lead me into my own downward spiral. In all honesty, if someone I communicate with is going through some really heavy emotional events, it’s like my body can ‘feel’ the very same emotions they are going through. It hurts. It physically hurts. It hurts moreso when I am going through my own mentally stressful mess in the process. But that is when I push aside whatever I am going through to help someone else. I can feel God telling me to tell “so-and-so” it’s going to be alright. However for the life of me, I can’t seem to follow my own advice.
But when it’s my turn needing help, for the most part, I am on my own. The very time I have doubts about life, my phone will never ring or notify me of a text message. I never hear from anyone (at my specific moment of need). My husband will wrap his loving arms around me, hoping to ease some of my pain. However,no one can truly understand what I feel unless they have actually experienced it. Alot of times, I will just hold everything in until my anxiety flares up. Then the panic attack comes. Sad to say, I am used to it. I know what to expect. I just have to ride my storm until it’s over.
So how do I fix me? Am I even fixable? My counselor has more faith in me than I do sometimes. She recommends that I write down a list of ALL of my thoughts, worries, apprehensions on paper and designate one hour out of the day to deal with only those issues. Then the other 23 hours, I think of no negative thoughts about anything until the next day. I haven’t been that disciplined yet to start because my mind constantly runs, but I will try it. It can’t hurt.
In the meantime, I’ll just continue to do what I do. Just be me. I’ve survived this long. I thank God for giving me that strength to endure because otherwise, I would have lost that battle a long time ago.
Until next time … be blessed.