Stuck in the recliner like I’m superglued by the seat of my pants. I literally can’t move. The thoughts of my deceased father are overwhelming today. It took the last 19 years to manage getting through the day without crying. The last 4 years slid by like a distant memory (thank God). But today, it hit differently.
For those who don’t know my story, my daughter was born the day after my father passed away in 1996. What a traumatically joyous occasion to experience. It was bittersweet to say the least. This past weekend, we celebrated an early surprise 24th birthday dinner for our daughter. Lots of laughs, a few tears and joyful memories shared on a wonderful Saturday. My beautiful daughter is a constant reminder that “weeping may endure for a night, but JOY comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5)
However, as beautiful as the weekend was, it is this day, October 27th, that zones me out of my already anxious element. My Daddy has been gone for 24 years and I am crying like it just happened. I have already dug a hole of despair for myself concerning the number of people my husband and I were around during this pandemic. Panic and anxiety has set in. I am a ball of emotions and the weight of my body is heavy. It’s one of those days where I want to ball up in bed and be left alone to cry (mourn) in peace. I don’t even want to talk. That’s what I was used to doing in the past. But my husband will NOT allow that to happen … not on his watch. 😏 I’ve already been showered with hugs and kisses all day, even though he has no clue what I am going through on the inside. Even Rico seems especially attached to my leg. I guess he can tell that Momma is not herself today. 😞
However, I will do my best not to let all of the negative things consume me. I will go and make some Lady Grey tea and occupy my time somehow. I am truly grateful that my family is alive and well. And for that, I am blessed! Take care of yourselves and stay safe.
Until next time … be blessed.
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