I don’t look like what I’ve been through

The last 3 years, my health has not been the best. I am thankful for life. However sometimes, the pain seems so unbearable. Thursday I had an MRI of my back. It wasn’t too bad but I felt mentally exhausted afterwards. I had to continually talk to myself and keep my eyes closed like my life depended on it. Fortunately it was only 20 minutes. Monday, I have an MRI of my brain. Needless to say, having your head ‘locked’ in a brace, then being inserted into a tight tube for at least 45 minutes … that is not very desirable for anyone. But for me, my anxiety has me very claustrophobic as of late.

Scared is understatement. It’s not like I haven’t done it before. But just the thought of not being able to move has me very nervous. Fortunately, I’ve been prescribed something to calm my nerves. Yeah … calm my nerves. It worked before. Praying for the same result as the other 2 times. Praying even moreso for a good result.

I’ve learned over my years that what is going to be is going to be. Although I am trying my best to be positive, I fail sometimes. I am allowed to. However, I will continue to keep that visible smile in front of all of the nervousness I feel inside. I’m good at that. Hiding behind how I really feel. That’s why I inserted my picture just to show you how someone who is constantly in chronic pain, constantly battling my mental state, I refuse to ‘look’ like what I go through.

In the meantime, I’m basking in the love I am receiving from my 2nd book. Honestly, God is making moves with BOTH books. There is one thing that I am praying for, but time will tell if it comes into fruition. I just pray that I live long enough to see the fruits of my labor – pain and all!

Until next time … be blessed!