I can’t figure out why?

Pisces. We tend to be very creative individuals, loyal and cannot stand deceptive people. We are also very emotional; yet loving to a fault. Yes, I am a true Pisces indeed. March 14th… Pi Day! Happy Birthday ‘Month’ to me! But wait … hold on to those cowbells and whistles. Darkness hovers over me.

As long as I can remember, my birthday has never been something I was happy about. Don’t get me wrong, I know I am blessed and thankful to see another birthday 🙏🏾. However, it never fails… depression hits me hard every year around the same time. And for the life of me, I can’t figure out WHY? Why do I get sad around this beautiful milestone every year?

I remember when I was a single mom, my children didn’t have the finances to buy me anything for my birthday. One year, when my son was old enough to ‘understand’ that his Dad was not giving him any money to buy me a gift, it broke his heart. I sat him down and told him that the best present I could ever be blessed with was him and his big sister. They were all I needed. But I told him if he insisted on giving me something, then make it. I told him that when he makes his own cards, his thoughts meant so much more to me than buying a card out of the store. So he made his card and put his $1 in it. I felt like he had given me $1 million.

My daughter, she was the artist of our little family. She always made things for me like bracelets, necklaces, cards, cakes… whatever beautiful idea she had floating in her beautiful mind. One time in elementary school, she made a card and had everyone in her classroom sign it. I was speechless and humbled that she even thought enough of me to share my day with her classmates.

The love I felt from my children kept me from dealing with the pain I had inside of me. Little did they know, their love, life and laughter kept me living. Literally. But those little children are grown up now. Life has taken them on new journeys. They are living their own lives. Those homemade cards are no more. The fighting over who gives me the FIRST BIRTHDAY KISS has gone away. Their little innocent voices saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMA is replaced with matured, grown up voices. They grew up too fast. Too fast.

So now that I have a wonderful husband in my life, he helps me celebrates my new year around the sun. He knows when I am not feeling my best. He knows there will be times that he can’t stop the tears. But he will do whatever it takes to make me happy. That’s love. And I am so appreciative of him. I know it’s not easy dealing with my health issues, but he never left my side.

Happy Birthday to me. Until next time … be blessed.

5 thoughts on “I can’t figure out why?

Tell me your thoughts by leaving a reply.