We made it! Another year to prosper, get things right and gain hope for a brighter future. So why am I anxious?
Looking back at 2022, alot of lives have succumbed to death. Although it’s a part of the life cycle, it still hurts. And as I get older, I am looking at life differently. My perception is more fragile than before. I suppose it is because of my own health issues. I am going to be transparent here. When I have/had my issues with depression, suicidal thoughts ran across my mind – the feeling of things would be better off if I were not here. However, I never put those thoughts into action. Now, the mere thought of my imminent demise scares me. I don’t want to die. I have so much I still need and want to do. I have Grandchildren to look forward to. I want to grow old with my husband. But I know that God has the final say.
When a new year comes around, I am filled with anxiety. The ‘not-knowing’, the ‘what’s to come’, and the ‘what ifs’ take over my overactive mind. You may think I am thinking negatively. It is in fact my reality. It makes me say I LOVE YOU constantly. It makes me hug a little tighter. It makes me call/text even when I don’t feel like holding conversations. I do it just because … you never know.
Yet, in the midst of everything, I am thankful. I am blessed. I had a child who ‘had’ medical issues – BUT GOD! I had a child who hit a deer driving home one night – BUT GOD! Things could have been different, BUT GOD! Through it all, I have to keep in mind something I always tell my kids … don’t worry about the things you can’t control. Easy to tell them, hard for ME to accept. Deep down, I know it to be true.
Instead of resolutions, my husband and I have made decisions on what we will accomplish together for the year; agreements of sorts. Realistic, obtainable agreements. I am looking forward to our five year anniversary this year. I am looking forward to starting college again. I am looking forward to something special later this year, but it’s a secret. (Sh-h-h-h)
Well, it’s almost 3am New Year’s morning so I believe the time has come to go to sleep. Before I do, I want to give everyone who views this post abundant blessings, positive energies, and good vibes for a prosperous 2023. Forget about yesterday because today is a new day with new mercies. Happy New Year!
Until next time … be blessed.