I will not let time stand still

Sciatic nerve pain. That word has been positioned in my vocabulary since March. However, in the past weeks, I have been in constant pain. Excruciating pain at times. The kind where all you want to do is cry.

Have you ever experienced nerve pain? The kind of nagging, dull pain that is not easily cured with OTC drugs? The kind of pain that travels from the lower back, to the buttocks, to the tingling of the calf all the way down to the bottom of your feet? Well let me tell you … it is nothing to play with. I went to a physical therapist for 3 weeks. The last day I was there, my therapist realized that my pain was getting not better and my muscles were extremely tight around that nerve. She informed my doctor that physical therapy was not working and the next course of action is pain management. Geez… more pills.

I hate taking pills. It’s bad enough taking my regular meds, but adding more? So far, it is only a muscle relaxer and an NSAID until my next appointment. In the meantime, I had to have an MRI. *If you have never had an MRI and you are claustrophobic, please discuss with the medical staff about your anxiety.* Fortunately, I kept my eyes closed the entire time. If I opened them and realized there was only a 4 inch space between my nose and the machine, I would have panicked. And I would have left two 8.5 foot indentions in that machine by trying to kick my way to freedom. 😏 Seriously.

Shortly after midnight this past Sunday, awaken by pain, I decided to look on my patient portal just to see if there was any reports mentioned about the MRI. And there it was… the report that will tell me whether there is really something wrong with me or maybe my mind was playing tricks on my body.

As I read the report, I was toggling back and forth to a Google site to define the medical terms I didn’t recognize. Behold… there it was – the actual diagnosis. I am praying, though, that my doctor will ease my mind by telling me it is not as bad as it looks and that Google is over exaggerating. One thing I do know for sure that I cannot dispute. I am getting older and my body is not like it used to be.

As much as I hate to admit it, this has been an awakening for me. Time does not stand still for anyone. I need to use my time wisely because tomorrow is not promised. Pain… as long as I feel it it means I am still alive. I foresee a change in things to come. I will not let time stand still so my body can deteriorate. I have too many people depending on me.

So as I wait for my appointment this week, I will (try to) keep my overthinking as positive as possible. I’ll try.

Until next time … be blessed.

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