Day 3 and I felt like I have sunken deeper than when I first came. Days worth of disappointments, feelings of “I really don’t matter” and wasting time I’ll never get back. This last night, I didn’t sleep well. Thinking the air mattress would have helped, I was painful all night. Tossing and turning trying to get comfortable, all while the thoughts of me still being in the ER kept reeling in my head. I am so over staying in ‘this’.
A couple of hours after I ate breakfast, two Doctors came in to see me. They went over my medication and asked how I would feel about going home? “Ok, I guess.” I was so ready to leave my current situation. But honestly, I wasn’t ready. I didn’t accomplish anything I initially went in there for. Nothing. The thoughts were still there. No one really talked to me about handling my state of mind. I supposed that was something I would have to adjust to on my own.
I laid back in the bed. I didn’t call my husband right away because I wasn’t sure how long the discharge was going to take and I didn’t want him to have to wait. But knowing him, he would not have minded at all. ❤ So while I waited, I spent that time thinking of where I was when I first came to the ER and that moment the Doctors said I could go home. I silently cried. What happened? Better yet, what didn’t happen? For the most part, I can only say the only good thing that happened during my stay was the food. Unless I was exceptionally hungry, every meal was very good (even that dry turkey & Swiss wrapped in saran wrap). And although my situation wasn’t the best, I can’t complain about the doctors or nurses I had. They did the best they could with what resources they had. But still, what did I gain mentally?
This situation I was in for the last 72 hours made me think about how many other people were turned around, discharged or never seen without getting the help then needed? My name wasn’t listed as a priority. I couldn’t even take a shower. I had to ask for a toothbrush. No one even asked if I needed anything other than my meds. I felt like a nobody. I did not matter. I was just taking up space in the ER along with the other 27 patients. Such a sad situation to go through when you are asking for help. Will I ever do it again? Right now, the answer is no. I would rather be depressed in a comfortable situation. But please, do not do what I do. Not all hospitals put their patients in situations like this. Not all hospitals are filled to capacity. I played the hand I was dealt. I don’t want to play like that anymore.
The nurse brought my bag out of the locker. The first thing I did was turn on my cell phone and called my husband to come and pick me up. She gave me my discharge papers and left me alone to get dressed. I remembered to get my paper towel wrapped underwear from inside the bed. I definitely was not going to leave those. I opened the door to my room, asked the nurse which way to leave, then I turned around and didn’t look back. I only waited 5 minutes until my husband drove up. Embarrassed by my hygiene, I told him not to come too close. He hugged me anyway! 🥲
Until next time … be blessed.